My Man

What are the odds of Taufik Batisah pointing directly at me to come up on stage for a fun segment. Did not wish to go up but was coaxed by him. A dream come true to interact with my idol. It felt surreal. God-sent. I must have done something good in my life. I must continue to be a grateful servant. 

"See, your life is not always bitter", said Mama over the phone.

Peaks and Valleys

Tonight, I had my virgin concert experience, with SHINee. A core memory. It is tough to explain what they mean to me. I am grateful.

Also tonight, while unknotting the euphoria, my dad shared that my mom has been crying in the hospital this evening due to unbearable pain.

I am sipping lemon chamomile at SGH now.

Living the happiest and saddest times of my life. This heart of stone continues to beat. Onward.

Melancholy

Duty in office on CNY.

Sitting beside the window. Rolling clouds and swaying trees. Tranquil silence. Peace amidst all internal chaos. I teared badly when I imagined myself standing at the peak of a mountain. It will not be the view that gets me.

Life is tough. I am afraid of losing loved ones and the things I love.

Dear God - the Most Wise and Most Merciful - only You can save us all. All Praise is to You.

Dark Clouds, They Pour

This weather holds extra significance to a dulling soul. The chilly winds, the muted colours evoked by surrounding grayness, the full moon's halo caused by minute crystals in the high cirrus clouds, the sweet ozone announcing the imminence of rain, the inward musings gravitated by denser atmospheres, and not forgetting the light heavenly tears dancing with boundless trust that they will nourish the hearts in need.

Time and time again, we rediscover that the beauty of the world starts from within.

Dah makan? Makan apa?

"Ami you are a captain now?"

I think my mum has been looking at my old photos on her hospital bed.

Contentment and Gratitude

The past two weeks have been a mystery. 13 years of silent suffering seem to have stopped. I choose to believe that the Most Merciful and Most Wise had flipped a proverbial switch to improve my health. It defies logical reasoning. It is a miracle.

A worthy note.

It is raining

Two days ago, a soul repeatedly muttered that things would not go his way. That very evening, the sky echoed a Divine response with the most intense shade of sepia.

Life has been tough for him. Balancing fear and hope is no easy feat.

He should remember the engraved simplicity on his ring.

2:186 | 3:190-191

I am not well

A reminder. One's weakness may be a strength. One's strength may be a pitfall.

When we get tested with what we perceive as unjustified hardship, it may be difficult to appreciate them as opportunities, even with forms of blessing from God's Gentleness and Wisdom.

Hidayah comes from Him, and it exists in souls that still have the littlest goodness. Riddled emotions are signs of His Mercy. The inner compass calibrates itself to find Truth. It is important to be real and pay attention to the little cracks. Find our own ways, through solitude and silence. The inner spring flows differently for everyone

Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.

Alhamdulillah

The Most Wise and Most Merciful has beautiful ways to show His Promise.

A few days ago on the way to work, I soaked in the subtle mist of evaporating dews, refracting the frequencies of morning light onto a stretch of yellowflames. A common view that speaks to those who listens with their sight, I feel.

I teared a little while listening to the playlist of reminders. Interesting for a heart to soften in gratitude, during hardship.

"Alhamdulillah."

That night, I received a call from my Director, informing me of my promotion.

Keikhlasan

Wahai pengembara, yang jauh dari makhota kesempurnaan, aku bersyukur kerana dalam detik-detik penting ini, engkau terpegang ikhlas kepada kerinduan yang menenangkan kalbu. Engkau malu terhadap Maha Pemberi. Engkau rindu kepada Yang Dicintai. 

Terima kasih.

Bismillahi-rahmani-raheem.

Ramadhan 2020

The compass swings inwards. The night rains are retuning relevant senses to the pluviophile. The leaves are turning deep green and keeping things in perspective. It is a blessing to experience this blend of remoteness and intimacy. It is a blessing to steer goodness in little ways into things that matter.

What a moment to be alive amidst the trials and structured pandemonium.

How I imagined it to be

Alhamdulillah.

I received a special blessing this morning.

Reminded me of this:-

"Ah, yes a new calendar. I've not been a fan of a motivational start, thus I'll pay a visit down memory lane. Remember your kindergarten art assignments? I recall submitting repeated drawings of the same old thing. A house, with two curtained windows, perched on a hill, in the hour of a sunset. Most time will be spent doing the foreground, which is a set of textured wooden fence accompanied by the slight overgrowth of flora. It seems to have a story of its own. One day, I wish to framelessly pin it on the side of a secret pine trail, while placing hope in discovering a similar painting in an untouched meadow.

I've flipped my canvas into an empty page. Last year, I learnt that perfection can never be shown, only discovered. And only discovery itself, defines perfection in this world."

[67:1-4]

- - -

Cahaya gerhana dikejarkan ramai

Indahnya tersirat bayangan di bumi

Awan mana tidak mendamaikan permai

Bintang mana tidak menemani sepi

- - -

"Among the eerie phenomena that can accompany an eclipse of the sun, shadow bands are perhaps the most unusual. These mysterious gray ripples are sometimes seen flitting over the ground within several minutes of totality (the period when the sun's disk is fully concealed by the moon). Initially, the bands appear faint and jumbled; but as totality draws near, they become more organized, their spacing decreases to an inch or two and they become more visible. After totality ends, the pattern reverses: the bands reappear and become progressively fainter and more disorganized until they finally disappear." [Read more]

Glass pieces in my hair

They clapped.

No one talked about it. But they clapped.

The drizzle and dark, evening rain clouds blanketed this isolated soul with contentment. And the winds echoed through the gaps of the closing shutter as a gesture for a job well done.

She was listening to me while trembling in fear. Eyes fixed. And her breaths were paced by my words and touch. I felt trusted.

Alhamdulillah.

Clarity

This haze makes me weep. Peace. Happiness. Hope. I remember these sentiments.

I miss the past terribly. Ya Allah, please be kind to me on this journey of self improvement.