It's the last stretch for me but I'll be brutally honest, I don't feel good at all. Fear, anxiety, insecurity, uncertainty, pfft. It's like pushing a kid into a pool and then reprimanding him for not knowing how to swim. Maybe it's true, these things can't really be taught.
Section commanders and men get excited sitting in a PL responding to an incident. Sad to say, officers don't. Everything's on them. We're guided to not screw up, instead of doing the right things.
The motivation's just wrong.
Oaks take deeper roots because of 'em, they say.
Without 'em, we'll never learn how to sail the ship.
But who produces the strength of the roots and sets the stability of the ship?
Was surprised to see my blog's traffic unique hits. Nearly half the record when Geoff advertised. This time most of them came from Philippines and Hong Kong. Was kinda puzzled when the referring URLs and search keywords were mainly Connie Talbot. But finally, got to know that she just toured Manila and Hong Kong for concerts this week. Shucks. Why not Singapore. :/
1:37 I'm sorry ;l
Not going to say much more, but it's going to be interesting watching this girl grow.
There's something magical about cloudy afternoons. A sense of comfort, shelter, security. Perhaps transition and change? Or is it the balance, making us feel comfortable being engulfed in its neutral state. The lighted midpoint of sunrise and sunset. The start and end seems to be more noticeable but nyeh, we really should look forward to the afternoons too. Y'know, especially the cloudy ones.
Don't want to be caught sleeptalking, so I've to get a few things out of my head before I sleep. Yea, things like the paragraph above. Unnecessary. Meaningless. Unproductive. Unrealistic. Unrelated. Well, maybe. I vaguely recall an advice - Stare at the night horizon of the sea, one day, if you're ready and permitted to, you'll see beyond it.
Patience.
An admiration of the untouched nature, the traditional farm life, the oldies and classics, the old environment - those are symptoms of my obsession of the past era. Maybe I've tasted its essence when it had no meaning to me back then when I couldn't talk, and somehow, my instincts are searching for it now. I guess it's subtly due to my craving for deja-vu's. Or I'm just jealous of the trade made between the past and present. Silly isn't it, going back in time when you're not even born yet.
Two hours. I'm the only one awake.
Enough of my deluded fantasy. A little more relevant now, hopefully.
I was told, selfless acts don't exist. The start of selflessness just leads to one being a selfish person. Things are being done to feel good. You walked a blind person across a street. You drop a piece of note into a donation box. You did a noble act without anyone watching or crediting you. You just want to feel good, they say.
Well, take the sacrifice of being called a selfish person if that's the definition. Then, may I ask. Will that be selflessness? Don't let your intent be a lie to yourself, especially to The One that hears the unspoken words.
Changing their mindset's not easy. It takes courage.
I don't have it. Maybe I can't think of the right way to do it.
Or maybe some of us are fated to be blinded in certain ways.
0200 hrs. I think I can finally sleep now. Commissioner's coming to vet us in the afternoon.
Many at times, we meet people who influence us to change. We mould into a different person when we experience life's intricacy. What happens when these things, impact us so, that we no longer recognize ourselves? It's even more unfortunate if we ride its wave unknowingly, only to realize we've drifted off course to the wrong island.
Everyone's given a compass. Some may have lost it, but it's an excuse to lose ourselves in this one time journey. Anything can be a form of guidance when you walk with an open mind. A fallen twig's shadow can show you the way in the morning. Navigate after the Big Dipper or the Polaris at night and you'll do fine. Life's hidden beauty is unlocked by a humble heart, a pristine will and nothing else.
Some seek for gold treasures at a far away island, while all the treasures that they need are sitting at their own backyard. Some see it, others don't. It's a unique set of treasure that can never be shared but can only be tasted alone. A treasure that can't be measured by weight or gold - words don't describe it, only experience do.
Find yourself, and solitude will unravel what you see. Take the time and courage to be alone. In today's world, we're so busy striving to meet expectations from our schools, companies, friends, and families, that we forget to set our own expectations. It's easy to be influenced to achieve successful dreams, but are those dreams genuinely ours? In solitude, we're not being selfish. In solitude, we're not walking away from others. In solitude, we form the greatest companionship, which is to ourselves. A genuine friendship that can never be judged or be defined by others. Timeless. Priceless.
I hope all of us get to find the motivation to taste the great things in life, seek meaning in whatever we do, and let obstacles define our strengths and potential. I hope we get to experience hardships in life as they're beneficial for us to grow and learn - just like a butterfly who's struggling to squeeze out from its cocoon. That agony of leaving through the tiny opening is actually a big help for itself. It needs that struggle, to flush the fluids and build strength into its wings to fly.
My Sabah trip was truly a meaningful one. A lesson of true leadership. A reminder that leadership starts from within, and in order to lead others, we have to lead ourselves.
It was the search, not discovery.
It was adaptation, not the camouflage.
It was about understanding the essence, not the presence.
If pure gold's long gone, don't go sailing the seas for a gold paint.
We'll never achieve anything. I realized it now.
It's making me feel like the 90s again.
Call me crazy, I'll understand.
But I hope you'll understand me one day.
Here's a beautiful poetry.
Nostalgia byBilly Collins
Remember the 1340s? We were doing a dance called the Catapult.
You always wore brown, the color craze of the decade,
and I was draped in one of those capes that were popular,
the ones with unicorns and pomegranates in needlework.
Everyone would pause for beer and onions in the afternoon,
and at night we would play a game called “Find the Cow.”
Everything was hand-lettered then, not like today.
Where has the summer of 1572 gone? Brocade and sonnet
marathons were the rage. We used to dress up in the flags
of rival baronies and conquer one another in cold rooms of stone.
Out on the dance floor we were all doing the Struggle
while your sister practiced the Daphne all alone in her room.
We borrowed the jargon of farriers for our slang.
These days language seems transparent, a badly broken code.
The 1790s will never come again. Childhood was big.
People would take walks to the very tops of hills
and write down what they saw in their journals without speaking.
Our collars were high and our hats were extremely soft.
We would surprise each other with alphabets made of twigs.
It was a wonderful time to be alive, or even dead.
I am very fond of the period between 1815 and 1821.
Europe trembled while we sat still for our portraits.
And I would love to return to 1901 if only for a moment,
time enough to wind up a music box and do a few dance steps,
or shoot me back to 1922 or 1941, or at least let me
recapture the serenity of last month when we picked
berries and glided through afternoons in a canoe.
Even this morning would be an improvement over the present.
I was in the garden then, surrounded by the hum of bees
and the Latin names of flowers, watching the early light
flash off the slanted windows of the greenhouse
and silver the limbs on the rows of dark hemlocks.
As usual, I was thinking about the moments of the past,
letting my memory rush over them like water
rushing over the stones on the bottom of a stream.
I was even thinking a little about the future, that place
where people are doing a dance we cannot imagine,
a dance whose name we can only guess.
It's in my blood to sleep under a canopy, bathe my clothes in mud, have the plants and leaves on me as concealment, prone down flat on leaf litters with never before seen insects crawling under your nose, look beyond the dark horizon for silhouettes, being completely silent and still during movement, gazing up at the stars for inspiration, looking at the beauty of nature for motivation. I take pride in keeping my rifle clean, guarding it with my life, and making it an extension of who I am. Throw me in a jungle with my buddies, camaraderie will keep us alive.
But it will just be a memory now.
No more Bear Grylls for me, but I know who I can be next: Austin St. John.
On a different tone, I don't have to hold my breath and wait for an answer for social night.
Mm. The feeling of temporary freedom. It's been quite a while since a proper one. And yes, itsakerlilerbitz POP loh! (: Mixed emotions actually. Yeah you guys know me pretty well. I'm gonna miss everything, and I do mean it. I remember having my first book-out after two and a half weeks of confinement, and it wasn't a full blast of joy. I felt sad actually, coz I know when there's a first, there's always a last. And man, having to do things for the last time - marching, eating in the cookhouse, sleeping on my bed, using my 5037 rifle, being in 5th company's playground - I hate that feeling.
BMT was a breathtaking ride filled with unforgettable memories, highs and lows, realizations as well as meaningful moments. Till today, I've never experienced something truly enriching and character changing. It's like a mirror looking into our true selves, a platform to understand our strengths, and most of all, a privilege for us to set the right paths for the remaining part of our lives.
And man, what better way to fully enjoy Tekong than being enlisted into 5th Company - a company that's known for its high standards of discipline, regimentation and performance. It's true that some of us felt 'unlucky' when we're posted to 5th coy (xiong ah!) but I dare say that by the end of our 5th coy BMT, we view it as the greatest privilege a recruit can have in Pulau Tekong, and I truly mean it.
In camp, we're pushed beyond our limits. When that happens, you get to see everyone's true colours, including yourself. There'll be people stepping up, making sacrifices for the sake of the section or platoon - and there'll be those that run to the shadows and reappear when everything's fine and dandy. There'll be those who're tough on stage, but are weak when their shows are over. You get to see a whole buffet of characters. Some make you hungry, others make you puke. Lessons are learnt everyday, and they're not just combat knowledge. Nah, I won't make a list. But there's one thing I feel like sharing - always do the right thing, even if no one's watching you.
Besides that, if you're a nature lover like me, the jungle's a haven. Greeneries. Unobstructed horizon sunsets. Experiencing the brightness of pure moonlight to guide you through the pitch blackness of the jungle. And during the last nights of my field camp, our commanders brought us to cook noodles by the beach. We were facing a setting sun, with vermillion clouds blanketing the sky. When it turned dark, we got to see the full spectrum of stars, unpolluted by city lights. It was a quiet scene that was bursting with beauty. Oh, I saw a shooting star that night. (: Never take anything for granted and cherish every small thing possible.
In the final week of BMT, we had our OC evening, and daaayuum it was freaking hilarious! I've never laughed so hard before. We mocked our commanders till their faces turn red! Oh and of course, the unavoidable confrontation of Commanders vs Recruits impromptu Dance-Off! Was surprised to see my PC doing some sick shuffle, was shocked to see another PC doing some dual torchlight tecktonik with the audi lights off, and was glad to see PS Thorton breaking the floor with his bboy style. I knew it, the commanders have been hiding their moves for this night against us.
I can go on describing every single memorable event but I don't think I should. There're too many of them. But, I can go on writing about every single memorable thing - my commanders. They are the greatest mentors I've ever had. I'll always remember Sgt Eqmal's advice before saying goodbye to us. "Be true to yourselves, people will see it through you". Replying "Hooah" to Lft Ernest for the last time, and shouting "conquered by none, 5th coy" for the last time under the Float's grandstand...
Alright, alright. I'm gonna shut up.
Just one last thing. Wanna thank my buddy Z for.. everything. When I first met him I was a little scared coz he cut himself on the first day with a swiss knife and had to get stitched up! xD But man, he's the most positive guy I've ever met. He'll be the loudest when it comes to counting or echoing, everytime. He'll be the one jumping first into the wet mud. He'll be the one volunteering and sacrificing his rest time for us. Couldn't ask for a better buddy. And freak, he surprised everyone with his breakdance! Bboy from the land of down under aye maite ;D
Ah.
I'm going to get my next posting tmrw. New camp. New people. New expectations. To be honest I'm not really keen into adapting to a new environment, again. But hey, I told myself here before going into Tekong that I've to keep an open mind. It's not about what we leave behind, but what we gain ahead.
I guess I have to keep my morale up. Which means, I've to go groceries shopping tomorrow morning and get ingredients to make my morale potion.
I feel like pouring all the stuffs I'm holding back and explain all the painful events that happened in 5th coy this week. It was a week literally filled with tears for some of us, partially due to the fatigue level, but more so to the realization of priceless things. We were pushed beyond our mental limits because ultimately that's where everything takes place.
This week taught us the strength of collective leadership.
I'll always remember the moment when we're assembled in our SBO and rifles at the parade square after a shag evening. It wasn't the usual sacrificial ceremony of our platoon ICs at the front line. It was dragged on. One of them can't even do a quick maths of 59 - 7 with all the hell on him. And one of the commanders even had to stop their fellow commander from going too far. I can't say much more but what I can say is that when they were about to reach their breaking point, one of us shouted "5th coy high kneel!". We went down on our knees and looked down. And there was silence.
A silence of great meaning that changed us all.
Next week is going to be field camp, the main event of BMT. The commanders warned us that 5th coy field camps are like no other. But it's funny coz our Officer Commanding gave an email to our parents, reassuring that the 'myth' of 5th coy being the toughest company in BMT is untrue. Oh, the contradiction. But the good thing is, most of us find being in 5th coy as a special privilege, and I must say, it really is.
Our commanders and officers have been through worse. They didn't say a crap about it.
6 months - the longest holiday break in my life and I won't be having it again. It will be a ride with no pit stops from now on. National Service to Uni to .... bigger things. This break is by far the best break I've ever had (well ofc 6months). Managed to do things I wanted to do - not much though. Just small hobbies that, I think, can make someone see and appreciate things at a different level.
I re-read some of my old books. Mostly by John Grisham. A good writer who brings out the full essence of a human life story. He pictures things brilliantly and subtly drives you to empathize. My current top 2 books are: A Painted House by John Grisham & Rocket Boys by Homer Hickam Jr. My strong recommendations. Go to the library and find them if you have the.. nvm. :D But really, try grabbing a good book you've read 4 years ago and read it patiently at night. It will be a pleasant surprise, trust me on this one.
Numero due. I got myself a DSLR during this break. It's one of those things that I want to keep and treasure for a very long time. I want to be the person with the old camera and memory card to show you how things look like ages ago from my perspective. Not just plain tourist type of take and shoot but a shot that has its own type of atmosphere and feel. It will be interesting won't it? Haha. But I will still need to learn more about photography from the pros. Hopefully this cam will last till I can point it at the Aurora Borealis or something. I'll miss roaming aimlessly with a cam in my hand.
I've been sketching too. Watched time lapsed portrait vids on YouTube by ThePortraitArt and was kinda.. motivated to hold a non-mechanical pencil once again. He's a beast at sketching, seriously. I must say I improved coz I wasn't lazy to use different shades of pencils, erase and re-sketch when I have to, and be patient. Treat everything as meaningless lines and shadings - Mr Zabid's first ever advice in our first art lesson when we sketched an upside down image of a dancer. Hahaha. I still remember Aidil's abstract version of the number 3 - got the teachers thinking that he's from another religion! Ahh. Good AEP times. Driving us crazy with boards and presentations more so than the final products. Evolving us to see unpainted meanings in the colours on canvas or installation. For those in AEP, just think about it - what will we be if we're not in it? A slightly more boring person. xD
Clicky click to enlarge. Ty.
Well anyways there's my latest portrait of Connie. By the way Connie, please don't change to be a mainstream teen, yeah? When I first wrote about her on this blog 2 months ago, I had my hopes up high wishing that she'll be a mini Whitney Houston or Celine Dion in the making but it was destroyed when I heard her latest single Sail Away (written by someone else). Auto-tuned and in my opinion, a boring beat. It's like her soul for powerful, respectable songs were taken away from her by the harsh, 'creative' music industry. I'm sorry to say this but I feel Sail Away is those kind of songs that can be high in radio/Itunes charts due to an audience who hasn't heard the sound of true music. It's a little harsh from me, I know. Maybe it's more focused towards business strategies nowadays. Or maybe it's just my biased my preference. But hey, I know I'm not alone making this stand.
Speaking about songs, I think I improved on my voice, a little. Hahahaha. I remember wanting to upload tons of covers but I became lazy and only did a handful during the hols. Oh wells, but I managed to reach higher notes and sustain a tad longer. OH I finally figured out the chords of My Cherie Amour from Stevie Wonder. The chords fingering are so alien and foreign. Ab7+5 C#maj7 Gb7sus F#7 Cbmaj7 Ab7sus4 Ab7. It's like a formula to generate a wormhole in space or something. It's a big thing for me to be able to sing this properly coz it's one of my top 10 all time favourites (I'm usually against ranking songs). Hahaha I still have a phone recording file of me singing cherie amour in sec 2. No wonder the phone spoiled. When I listen to my old uploaded covers on youtube.. I just feel like deleting it and kill my old me for being so shameless.
Some of my nights were spent at my friend's house at Kembangan. Sitting beside the dark pool side with a couple of guitars, controlling our volume and laughter in the middle of the night so that we won't wake an MP who's living next door. Ah. The return trip to home is ALWAYS a challenge - cycling / walking alone through the stretch of park connector. But you'll feel like a king cruising through the route, roadside, and void decks with no one around you.
Ahhh and what's a holiday without overnight cycling + chalet? Hahaha. Hands down the main highlight of my hols was cycling from Pasir Ris to Yishun and through the haunted Old Tampines Road where shit got real. Dang, goosebumps thinking about it again. "We'll never do this again". That's what we said after our Old Changi Hospital experience. Come on. Guys will be guys (stubborn guys). Talking about paranormal and shizz, there's a high chance I'll be in School 4 in Tekong. The ulu school that's deep inside and separated from the other schools which are together. It was an ex-cemetry. Hafidzhin's in School 4 and he already has paranormal stories to talk about. I'm excited and a little shaky (inside) at the same time. Don't ask for it, Azmi (not so much). For the sceptics who has no experience (yet), it might not be a biggie or whatsoever. But for an idiot like me with eyeballs who can't stop looking around.... Hahaha. I'm an idiot seriously.
But ultimately, the best thing I've done for this holiday is writing on this blog.
I'm paranoid that one day, Blogger's server might just crash and my archives and site will be deleted forever. I don't think many will understand how attached I am to this blog, to the background song that replays the recorded sentiments. It really is a tool for me to sit for hours and sometimes stare blankly at it in the middle of the night.
I'll be brutally honest with you. I've been holding a selfish thought for a long time. I question people's characters, mindsets, voices, and often wonder, why are they so different? Why can't they be a simple person with lesser mistakes? Why do they have to flaunt their strengths without thinking about how people might feel? Why can't they hold simple values? Why are they flawed without them realizing? It made me feel strangely superior and although I think no one noticed it, it made me feel better being THAT good person.
But sadly it wasn't my true colours. I once wrote about my hatred towards people putting on a show 'while you're backstage knowing everything that's going on'. I told myself, who am I to assume that I'm not running my own set of shows? And I was right. I was running my own show, showing that I'm a good person instead of being one. Most of us are.
An sms during the 1st of Jan this year impacted me greatly. He just doesn't know. It was a compliment that made me feel extremely guilty. I was sitting down at Changi beach, accompanying my dad and uncle (I saw a comet that night). I was disappointed that an individual I respect so much actually look up to me. I knew deep down inside, he's far better in every way possible. I don't want to be over dramatic but, it's like having your child looking up to a side of you, while consciously keeping your flaws out of her reach. It's like going to a religious place hoping that someone familiar will see you in it. I hope such cruel thoughts won't be thought of in my mind again.
A few days ago, I saw a 4-5 year old sitting beside his dad doing his prayers. A man behind him quietly offered a handshake (salam) to the boy after he was done and sneaked in 5 dollars into the boy's hand. He left straight away and the boy was confused, but he kept quiet. Later on, the boy went on to show the money to his dad and his dad looked around but the man wasn't there anymore. He took out his own set of money and told his son to place it in the donation box. It was a quiet scene that didn't beg for any attention but spoke a volume to those who witnessed it.
It's frightening to know the speed and number of change I had for myself. I think I have a thing for empathizing and visualizing being in someone else's head because I was that someone else before in some stage of my life. Reading through my old blog archives can make me shake my head and smile while I read the lines of my old deluded self. It's really scary because at that age of time, I thought I knew what I was thinking and doing. But now, my past self looked like a fool. A tricky boy who knew how to deal with things.
This blog is really, a big help to me.
I'm sorry for making this blog sometimes unbearable, melo-dramatic, too abstract, like I'm just quoting famous quotes or some shizz, or as though I'm the only one realizing certain things, or if this blog doesn't match what I am. But if it turns out to be of any use to you, well that's good then. Sometimes I can't share my exact sentiments on something in this blog. Well, I can't. It's like trying to share a meaningful song that you treasure to people and hope that they have the same level of admiration as you do. It will never be the same. It's like having a mentor telling you to do certain things but you don't coz you've yet to see their true value.
Everyone of us have wished to be a better person at some point. It's great to have that will. I think what we lack is the sight to see things around us as a form of help for what we want to achieve. Afterall, the best teacher is none but ourselves. I hope we get to experience all sorts of different things, regardless of their size and impact. And talking about experiencing things.. WOOH. Botakman running around in tekong starting from tomorrow. I hope that no one will be careless and point a rifle without placing it on safe or smth. And I pray that my mom will be alright without me fetching her from dialysis. I'm seriously worried when no one's going to be there when she can't walk straight, have bad giddiness, and have blood flowing out of her arm while going home. Please, let her be okay.
For those of you who know me very well, I'm a nerd when it comes to natural sceneries and stuffs. So yeah, grass, trees, sand, dirt, away from tall modern buildings. Damn. Paradise. I'm going to enjoy tekong even if I'm going to be in the hiongster companies, cussing silently for any pain and aching, and be treated like a worthless recruit (which I'm going to be).
Haha. During an angel-mortal game in my school, someone (dont think it's my angel) gave me a card saying that I resemble Tarzan with my nerdy nature admiration and activeness. Well... that person is so damn right. I'll let this song sum up this post.
Sometimes, I do surprise myself when I do certain things.
And sometimes, I won't be able to repeat it naturally regardless of the effort I put in.
Well, it's just not our day.
Mentality? Momentum? Mood?
Halfway through second portrait.
I'm having massive trouble with it coz I fail at drawing from imagination. The reference picture I chose is too blurry with minimal details. But I can't stop now.
Best option? Sleep. Have a good day tomorrow, and continue with a composed mind.
It's about time I start writing letters again. It's been months since the last one and at this pace, the promise of a thousand will definitely be broken. We knew it won't happen from the start but we soon understood that it's never about the number. I figured that there's nothing wrong with sharing, especially to those who understand. So I won't be a riddler this time.
I miss two of my cousins badly. When they were taken away from me, I was reminded of my status as the only child. They helped me to be who I am today - a tad less spoilt. I think I've mentioned this before. They were the ones who teased me badly every time I lose a game of carrom. There were always spectators when we played during our frequent gatherings. I often sob in front of the adults when I'm being teased but all I get is a smile. I didn't understand their smile back then.
My two cousins humiliated me in football when I was a kid. "Mr Soft Boy". "Weak legs". "Gay". I wanted to hurt them with a ball to the face and call it an accident but they were right, I couldn't. They knew my goal was to prove them wrong and that's all that matters. The kind of push I didn't want, but needed. They started bringing me to go up with the 'big boys' at an open grass field in Tampines every Saturday. Big boys? I mean big men. Adults who are able to play. It's a whole different ball game from the oh-so-mediocre street standard. If you want to know a person who's not fooling around, he won't be holding the ball for long. The adults played good team football. It initially felt like the whole world's on my shoulders when the ball's coming to me. Might be funny to you, but the pressure was intense. Most of the adults didn't give in to minors like me and they treated me as a walking toy. Either that or they were trying to impress their families and ladies sitting on picnic mats along the sidelines. I was a burden to my cousins but they continued bringing me there, sometimes giving me a secret bike ride to the field. Hahaha. I didn't tell my parents about the rides, and I certainly didn't question my cousins' intention to have me with them. I wanted to play 11 v 11.
There was a sleepover at my aunt's place with some of my other cousins too. But it wasn't a typical sleepover because I ran out of the house at 2am after losing a table tennis match... to my aunt. She didn't tell me she played it during her school years. They were laughing at me and I wanted them to learn their lesson by making them worry, so I made a dash to a nearby park. It was scary for a 12 year old to be alone in the dark but my ego erased my fears. I wondered - I didn't have to go through this if I could stop being a spoilt baby. I didn't expect them to take that long but finally they found me. Back in the house, they gathered and talked to me like an adult. I was the youngest in my generation and had a huge age gap. They were working young adults, and I was just entering the secondary school stage. To be honest I can't recall the content of the talk, but I know I changed after that infamous event.
I became a little better with the things I do in general. On the playful side, I somehow improved in carrom and I even dared to challenge the best in my family. We do need the technical skills in the things we do, but maybe it's more important to be composed and have the control to create your own luck. I improved for the Saturday football games and I knew the pressure was on the adults to not get humiliated by a minor. I don't fully trust my peers when they compliment me but I will trust a seasoned adult who have seen more. The people on the field started praising me after the games, and it's a unique feeling that I treasure. I remember this old man, probably at the age of 60, who still has it. Who knows what glory he had achieved to be good at that age. I think I can even recognize his appearance, but I certainly remember his thumbs up to me at the end of a game. I believe these things started the ball rolling for me (see what I did there). I don't think it's that easy to earn 2nd in nationals, start for a respected victoria school team, and be in exco for college. Your achievements and abilities are not really yours, there are always things that trigger it and sometimes, they are blessings that you must be continuously grateful for.
I realized I was being guided by my cousins, not tortured. Being forced to make mistakes to realize you have them inside, waiting to break free someday. Better to know them when you're a child than when you're an adult. Take on defeats, criticisms and jeers with an open mind, not with watery eyes and fuming emotions (although I so did that last year - my bad). My cousins made things better for me. I said earlier that I didn't understand the smiles from the adults while I was getting teased. I thought they could at least help me by stopping my cousins but they didn't. They smiled, and I think this was a far greater help. I got to know one day that even my parents approved them to do so. It was to build strength for an irritating big mouth kid like me. Yes, don't be surprised.
It might be a superficial thing to you but it means a lot to me. 'When a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it can cause a hurricane in another part of the world.' Seemingly insignificant things shape the big picture. It's up to us to recognize them. If you think you can make even the slightest difference to someone, do it. Who knows what they'll be in the future due to your simple action.
My cousins accompanied me through my early teens. They would cook for me in the middle of the night - and it would usually be egg-cheese omelettes. They would bring me to my favourite spot at Changi. And... I remember being a little too mischievous with them. They told me to be their voice to a group of older girls who were having supper across our table. It was a cheesy line but hey, I was a naive kid. It was funny though. Oh, and they were the ones who protected us from a king cobra which appeared in the toilet of our village at Masai. My cousins are good people and I know it.
But unfortunately, bad influence got the better of them. It was such a silly mistake that snowballed into a chain of events. They were arrested by the police and were sent to court, facing 3 sets of charges. I tried chipping in my own logic to their free-of-charge public lawyers, but it was difficult. The opposition trio of lawyers were experts at maximising the charges and invoking unnecessary hell to the guilty. I was a kid, but I had a hunch it wasn't a fight to uphold the law and truth, but to uphold their names as great lawyers. We'll never know. May the correct justice be done to you.
It's a little sad now that when I'm allowed to meet them, we're separated by either a glass frame or a tv screen. We'll talk about good books, car magazines and sports because those are the things they are able to have in prison. It's a technically a world of limitations down there but it's just in literal terms. The concrete walls surrounding them are windows to see more clearly. Those things are just making them stronger. Make good use of what we don't have. The absence of certain things might just be what we need. Do remember that.
Hope my relatives won't find a way to this blog. Guess I'll be dead if they know I'm sharing it here. But what's the fear of people knowing our mistakes if we have changed? Embarrassment? I don't see it as that. If sitting behind metal bars is what it takes to be better than most people out there at the end of the day, then so be it.
After all, it's a journey.
I won't care about what you're gonna say, but this is a good song.
I wrote my previous post to remind myself and my small group of friends about the beauty of a genuine person that's down to earth. I was really surprised to see Geoff's comment on my tagboard when I woke up, saying that my post is linked to Connie's official forum. I didn't expect this to happen and it's a wonderful feeling to be rewarded in a way, when I didn't ask for it. My blog received a couple hundreds of visitors from different parts of the world, and it really means a lot to me. I'm happy to be able to share my thoughts with all of you. Thanks for the lovely comments and responses on the forum. (:
I promised I would share a portrait of Connie with you. I think I will do a few more portraits of her next time - especially with her trademark 'Connie smile' in it (didn't do it here though). Sorry, I'm no artist but here it is, hope you like it!
There's a need for me to make a post about this. It's been bothering me, in a good way, since last night. If you're rushing off to somewhere or if you're doing practically anything, please, come back again and read this when you're not distracted. Best time would be.. midnight? I might need quite a big chunk of your time. I believe this post will be somewhat special to me now and in the future, and I hope you'll feel the same way too by the end of this. Please stay with me on this one, and I... beg you to watch the videos.
I was browsing for covers on youtube and I kept clicking over to random videos. I hate to think it as luck, but I stumbled on a video of a little girl singing a Whitney Houston's song. I was amazed by her voice and I looked at her name - Connie Talbot. Does it ring a bell to you? Connie Talbot, the youngest finalist of Britain's Got Talent. The toothless girl that sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow. She was six back then in front of Simon. Now, she's won an accolade of Gold and Platinum label record for her albums. That is simply amazing. Here's the performance that I watched by random. She's ten in this video.
That falsetto and power.
She does have a lovely voice, doesn't she? Reminds me of the classic female singers such as Celine Dion, someone with a real voice. I got hooked instantly. I found her channel and my goodness, she's no ordinary artist.
She's not the type of singer that wants to look great in videos. No mimicking of pre-recorded songs for different camera angles and acted emotions for covers, unlike most youtube artists today- Boyce Avenue, Sam Tsui. Don't get me wrong. They're great artists. They used to do it live, but I guess fancy camera work earns them the points they're looking for. But the plus point for her? Her music taste. :D She sings covers of The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Celine Dion, John Lennon, Whitney Houston, Leona Lewis, Louis Armstrong, Bob Marley, Wicked the musical and the list goes on. Doesn't matter if it's recorded with a simple family camera and a home karaoke system. It's best that way. I know someday, a cover of Queen will be in my subscription box. So I subscribed.
I don't think it's just the voice, but her delivery. It's just, real. You can read singers through their live performances. It tells you things about them. And after watching her videos all night, I had a feeling she's special. Her personality's special. To me, she's a league above Caroline Costa, Maddi Jane, and even most singers older than her. Not a prima donna or diva in anyway. I wanted to make sure and I did. I had nothing on today (what's new) so I used the time watching her TV and radio interviews. I think she's 8 when she did these two. Remind yourself of her age when you're watching these two videos. (and please, do watch them. 25 minutes in total)
"You are absolutely unspoiled, unaffected by all this attention,
and you're just a real warm, true, positive spirit. It's the truth."
Indeed.
What were we doing when we're 8? Busy counting cookies in our cookie jars, or in packets coz we just tied it with a rubber band. And the question about her wishlist from Santa - It speaks for itself, doesn't it? If we're asked back then, we would have our There-You-Go! list. There are other great interviews too, do check them out if you're willing. I saw a recent interview. She said her mom brings her around for shopping, but, she hates shopping. YES. Woopa! Finally. Thank you. Hahahahaha. A girl like her? She doesn't need shopping.
I hope she continues to sing these types of songs. It's great that she doesn't have a producer or a manager or whatnots, and she picks her own songs for concerts. Her judgement should be trusted. And please don't let her be another disposable pop singer. Follow Celine Dion's path, but just be Connie. I hope she will change the meaning of music again like what Lennon did with Imagine. I think she's on path. Listen to her recent original entitled Beautiful World. She wrote the song herself. With such innocence, I believe she did, maybe with a little family's help.
I wish I knew why the clouds above are so beautiful
And I wish that I knew why they create pictures for me and you
It's a miracle for us to share
White and grey patterns up in the air
I could daydream and look at the sky forever
Can't you see that it's a beautiful world
Come with me, I'll show you
Open your eyes and see the beauty around
Take my hand, and I'll lead you
It's so wonderful, so magical
Just see other day,
I saw an angel and a polar bear playing games in the sky
I saw a king sat in a great big chair
If you look at the clouds every way
Then they tell us a story each day
And they don't make a sound but they'll share together
With a special voice at such a young age, she'll cause people to be wonderstruck. But perhaps it's her incredible personality that inspires the most. A simple girl with an absolutely gorgeous and sensible character. A quiet girl with a loud soul. It's really endearing. It really is. The way she responds to questions and interviews is extraordinary. It comes out naturally through her heart.
"It is impossible to fully appreciate Connie's character without understanding the loving environment at home with her family. While you might expect a young star to be the product of 'pushy' parents you soon realise that Connie is supported in whatever she chooses to do by the incredible love of a close and caring family."
I couldn't agree more. Her parents give her own space to be an independent little girl. But of course, it might be different coz she's a natural gift. Our parents might compare us to other kids they know, but why can't they compare themselves to other parents? Hope we'll remember that in the future. There's no blessing better than watching someone grow under your guidance, be it your junior or child.
Sometimes when I'm fortunate to meet someone like Connie Talbot, I wish I'd known about her a couple of years earlier. But better late than never. You'll feel ashamed when you take look and compare yourself to such people. It seems like our previous actions will come back and haunt us at night when we finally realized. Will it be unnatural for us to change in front of those who have known us for so long? Maybe the truth is it's a little too late afterall. Maybe.
So when you're given a chance to have a reset button in a form of meeting new people or a new environment, be sure to press it. There's always a chance to discover a better side of you.
Speaking about discovery, I'm really glad I got to click around and find Connie Talbot. You don't come across someone like this very often. Go to her channel through the first two videos and please be impressed. Can't wait to see her all grown up. She's a special gift to this world. It's a privilege to discover an angel, instead of being shown to one.
I remember, I was watching TV in my aunt's room and I fell asleep on the floor with my elbow resting on the remote control. Out of all the buttons I could possibly press, I accidentally increased the volume and the room morphed into a cinema theatre or some sort. I woke up and I swore I thought I was in an action film. But I saw my relatives rushing into the room - it was reality.
I remember, we were having an art workshop in a college. After presenting the final product in the auditorium, students from all the different schools gathered for a formal photo. Some genius suggested to his friends in the front row to lower their heads and show just their hairs. When the photographer counted to 3, we executed the plan perfectly. But our teacher reviewed the photo on the spot and volunteered us to clean up the art rooms for the college. Where were you, lady luck.
I remember, there were 15 continuous phone calls at midnight but I ignored them. I was too sleepy to do anything. Surprisingly by the 16th call, I picked it up. It was my friend. He asked if I was free the next day at 8am. There was silence for a good 10 seconds. Then I replied, "Hey can I sleep first?" and I dozed off. The great thing is, I couldn't recall anything when I met him afterwards. Ah, a sleeptalker.
I remember, it was raining heavily in Kahang during our overseas camp. We had to pitch a tent at the open field and by sheer chance, we were forced to change the tents and replace the spoiled parts 5 times. We were the last group and we took half an hour longer than everyone else. No umbrellas. No raincoats. It's officially the coldest day for me, literally. And a bee had to disturb our night by buzzing underneath the tent. Yes, a trapped bee under the tent.
I remember, a group of teens was being a tad too loud downstairs at night. My parents couldn't sleep so my dad filled a plastic bag with water, tied it up, open the windows and threw it down. It was too epic and I nearly died laughing. Didn't hit them though.
I remember, I was in China for an exchange programme. Beautiful memories. Pandemonium in our double-story house. Vidcam's slow death at the top of the tall temple. A person being stuck in the middle of two beds. Damien climbing to the 2nd floor and opening the door from inside when we couldn't find the key. My buddy's homestay meal. Singing Jay Chou's songs in class. And the most humiliating moment - getting laughed at by students through their class windows when I couldn't rollerskate properly during PE session. But somehow, it didn't happen again when I played a match with them on the field. Weird. Hahahaha.
I remember, going for a photog talk. At the registration counter, I joked in front of the registration members, teasing them about having lucky draws. They apologized to me for not having one. But at the end of the talk, the speaker announced a surprise lucky draw with the winner getting a Canon cap, keychain, and bottle. And guess who won the lucky draw. Just guess. You'll get it right.
I remember, watching Jupiter in the night sky using a telescope in school. It was my first experience. I could see it's famous giant storm and surprisingly, it's small ring too. Yes, Jupiter has a ring. I thought there would be hundreds of people queueing up for the view, but the turn-up was less than 20. Glad to have more time with the telescope. Shocked to realize that not many people are interested in the extraterrestrial.
I remember, bringing my friend to changi village for a live Saturday night performance by a band called Changi Gliders. Mmm - songs that fed our musical tastebuds. When they were playing the starting instrumentals of a song by The Eagles, the lead singer came up to us and grabbed my friend to sing with him. How fortunate.
I remember, overnighting at the airport with a couple of dudes after sending a friend off at midnight. He treated us to supper at Popeye's and one of us sneaked money into his bag before leaving. We made the viewing gallery our home. I was surprised at the number of people sleeping there too. Substitute the breeze with aircon, and beach view with airplanes taking off - Picnic.
I remember, breaking a personal record for 35 hours of not sleeping - made possible by the chalet at east coast. Running around at 3am on the beach, walking to macs at the other end of ecp. Walked back to vs in the morning with our eyes closed. I crashed on the pb room's table and Quinn poured water on me to wake me up coz we had to finish up the yearbook.
I remember, being voted as the sacrifice to the big fish pond at night after SLI. Was it due to my birthday? Not too sure. But I'm sure that around twenty people chased me and Taufik throughout the entire campus. Got trapped at a dead end and they carried me away. I acted as though I had a massive cramp and they trusted me, twice. Sigh. Ran away both times. Got caught in the end and I remember hearing some sort of tribal chants and dance around me when I was wriggling around beside the pond. And then Woooosh. The taste of pond water - priceless. Hahaha. The next investiture? We tried to do the same. Unlucky - an Ipod went into the pond and someone had their front tooth removed during the struggle.
I used to blog about the little things like these that are worthy for a revisit.
I'm not doing that anymore nowadays. Or maybe in a way, I still am.
AND by the way, my cousin has a blog that's called purrfectinpynque or smth like that.
o.o
Look out for a special update post tmrw night! Gracias amigos.
Here it is, officially announced. The day that'll explode with different emotions, controlled and uncontrolled. Separation and discrimination are inevitable. Success will be evaluated, told, and some hidden. Mere alphabets determine one's superiority over the other.
Or.. so they thought.
I'm here to remind myself and the ones patiently watching over me through this blog, that regardless of the grades we're receiving, regardless of the quality, regardless of how people perceive you after getting that cert, the roads we're directed to are equal. Different in every form, but the same in value.
A smooth tarmac road with a vehicle to drive or an intricate terrain with a bagpack and rugged shoes? Same destination, different routes. A matter of convenience and accessibility? I don't think so.
They might label the tarmac road as a better path. Of course everyone wants it. Me too. It's a dream that even fools yearn for. But I think I have the courage now to say that these two paths presented to us are dead equal and they have their own sets of respectable features.
If we ever view the tarmac road as the better path, shame on us. That means we've yet to open our inner senses. We've yet to understand the things we see growing around us. We've yet to understand the scents and essence. We're afraid of tasting true sweat and tears that nurture a person. We heard, instead of listening.
We can't say that.
Imagine yourself in the driver's seat cruising through... the road of your dreams. You're urging to have a breather and absorb the scenery, but you can't. There are other vehicles all around you, driving through that popular road. Eyes focused, in front. You tried winding down the side window to pick up the scents, but you just can't - going too fast. You're restricted by the traffic lights and rules. It's a.. It's a trade-off. We can't have everything, it's just the way it is. But there are special drivers coursing comfortably through the road having the best of senses, and they get to enjoy, understand, and appreciate these things. Well, lucky them. They're unique.
For those who aren't given the opportunity to be on the road, they'll have to deal with the physical terrains. Now picture yourself as that.. traveller who's dwarfed and humbled by the challenges ahead of you. Will you moan in disgust about your fate, or will you have the heart to say, "I'm extremely lucky"? No pit stops. You don't have to watch out for traffic except for elephant stampedes or a lioness creeping up behind you. Stocking up on berries and watching out for food along the way. I mean, it's different. It's how we perceive things to be. Well off course, there's a higher chance of us being lost and distracted from whatever destination we had in mind, but if we can keep ourselves together, live by our simple principles and keep a caring eye on the people we meet, I'm pretty sure we'll have better things to tell at the end of the road. Be mindful and keep on walking. I've heard of a saying - The one who suffers much will know much. You may feel nothing if you understood that. But you'll smile inside if you've truly experienced them.
One path holds the affluence, comfort, luxury. The other holds.. not as much. But I believe they're worth the same, neither one better than the other. It'll take time for us to understand. We're too young for it. We'll have to watch our peers travelling down these different routes. Only time will tell us.
I don't think sharing this is a good idea but I guess I should be a little open about this. It's a little related to today's definition of success. Monetary problems. We're all gonna have it someday. Be it having problems to get an apartment with the best view in town or having problems to worry about your children's meal. They're still problems. We all have them. I know some of us seek comfort by hiding them so extremely well, while others share them to feel better. I don't think I'm the only one having these kinda probs, so you might go "Hey that's me!" after reading this.
My dad's income is around 1.6k, I think. And he's supporting my mom's almost daily dialysis. Everything's a little better since he turned 55 - yay for CPF. (That's why I get to add some geeky items in my inventory) But all along before that day, I get to experience things like the panic attack of the loss of electricity (they usually do it in the evening). Had to do my stuffs with a battery lamp and fan or be outside at night. Incomplete online work? Serve me right for not doing it earlier. Project work matters? Oh crap better knock on my aunt's door late at night and use her internet. Hahaha. Seriously, I don't mean to beg for sympathy or anything but I'm actually thankful to be lucky enough to experience these kinda things. And I think some of us here do have real problems that are far worse than mine. Maybe you've went through more things and you never told a single soul about it. Man, that's..... I admire you.
I mean, it leaves me confused watching some of us react when we can't get that '5 digit income' grades we dream about. Maybe it's the way we're differently brought up. Didn't get the grades you wanted? Be thankful and move on. If your friends ask, "What happened?". Smile, and reply, "Things happened." And walk away. They aren't your friends. (: But of course, for those of you who'll get the colourful grades, we're going to be proud of you. Hug your parents.
Look at the society we have today - which is us btw, that's the way it is, and that's the way it will be in the future. Moving forward to survive. Should that be our incentive? Hmm. Go with the flow, but always have that courage to step out if necessary, and let no one define you except for yourself. Draw the line between laziness and satisfaction. We'll be fine. And when you have kids in the future, ask about their aspirations. If they answer with an occupation, tell them that it's not the best answer. It makes a difference, I feel.
Sometimes, we humans do what's best for ourselves, but it was never up to us to determine anything. Someone reminded me once of a question, a "question that won't be answered by any certificate, be it one with straight As or one with straight Us."
What do you do when you feel controlled by anger or frustration? How will you react when you're weighed down by burdens and concerns? We all have our own ways to distract ourselves or seek for answers, some well, better than the others.
For me, it's football. It's a beautiful game and I love its physical nature. Just channel that unwanted emotions and worries to your feet, and let them.... talk their hearts out. For guys, it's something like beating the crap out of a punching bag. Makes us... quieter (:
The street court at Petal Gardens was my outdoor home since I was 9 - every single evening. Unfortunately the gangs and drugs cases got out of hand at that area and that made me think twice during sec 2. But it didn't bother me much coz thankfully I was in a school team. And I had the crazy pb dudes who're regulars at the pitch too.
When I moved on to college, I wanted to try something new. Y'know, try to see the unexplored routes. For those of you who were with me during PDP exhibition, you know the PDPs I signed up for. Hahahaha. But boy oh boy, I broke my self-promise and made a last minute call into football. My human nature. (;
The experience and lessons were priceless.
What's equally important for me was to have the field as that punching bag.
But now, I'm going to be frank - I feel crappy without it. I think it's the longest I've been without having a game of football. There are other ways but.. football's different.
Anyways, I bumped into a video of a footballer I look up to since the start of my Red Devil trooper days. Paul Scholes. I was a kid back then when I first liked him and I didn't had a clue about his background and personality, but... it's just that special impression I had of him. And when I grew up around football players, I got to know of their idols, and they were more well-known and talked about on paper.
But what made me realize in this video is that the words of the papers are nothing compared to the words of legends and the best. If you can recognize the voices in the vid, well, an advantage for you. Beckham, Cantona, Henry, it goes on. The famed Zidane told the world that his biggest regret was not playing alongside Scholes. They praise him like no other.
The front page doesn't.
But when I knew about the legends looking up to him, it made me smile.
That satisfaction - I was right all along.
You don't have to watch the whole thing if you don't want to. But it will be great if you can just start from 06:55 to 10:15.
It's about him staying off the media, turning his head away from transfer money, and ultimately being a simple man. A simple man that's talked about by the greatest.
The england managers knocked on his door every term, asking him to continue representing the country on the international stage.
An ex-England manager said, "I tried hard to persuade him. We've been monitoring him for the second part of the season when he’s played very well. We tried to convince him to come back for England because he is one of the best midfielders. It was up to him but in the end he said no, preferring to have a holiday with his family”
He's just unreal.
I received a gift last year from my friends.
It's a Scholes' 1996 FA cup jersey.
Do you have jerseys or shirts with your idol's name on it?
Feels great doesn't it.
Don't know about you, but I had legit goosebumps listening to this live performance. It's soul touching. That's what it is. Anyone to replace Boyz II Men? I doubt so. The new ones may match their vocals, but they won't come close to producing a similar level of natural class.
Sincere. Down to Earth. Genuine. (:
It flows into what they produce.
The song's quite lengthy. But you won't regret it, trust me.
It starts out plain and slow.
For the impatient ones, sorry. Heheh.
When you're forced to have just one choice, well, you only have one choice.
No more of those daily asam rebus nenas, asam pedas, lemak, sup ayam, sweet & sour.
Dayyuum.
I don't know about you, but I just can't have outside food for the entire day. The feeling and atmosphere of having a home is just not complete without home-made food. Maybe it's because of me initially having my mom as a full-time housemama. Perma home food (:
Well that was ages ago.
I've been cooking home food more frequently since the start of 2012. Everyday, I think. And for those of you who want to save up on your work moolahs, don't eat outside (other than your break ofc). Outside food isn't worth it, really. When you cook at home, it's fresher, tastier, healthier and more importantly, cheaper.
My fridge is currently stocked with boneless chicken meat, prawns, salmon, and of course, a spamload of veg, onion, ginger, garlic, and herbs. Who wouldn't be happy when they have those ingredients in their fridge.
Graciasful.
Besides that, have you ever cooked for someone? The moment when they compliment about your cooking - Ahhhh~ Haha although they might have been forced to do so coz they're afraid I'll take away their food.
Erghm.
No, it's not spicy.
That was tonight's dinner. Me is love Thai-style food.
Some of you can cook, but you just don't know it. And some of you can cook well, but you don't go to your blog and upload thai food dinner pics.
Woopseedaisies.
I can crack eggs using one hand.
Achievement unlocked.
They make you feel better, don't they? You don't have to speak. Just listen, and let your soul do the talking. It's like a listening ear, a healing hand, a confidante. Besides, you don't have to trouble your pals. I'm sure they have their own, regardless of the magnitude. It's nice to keep that in mind. Don't be stubborn, but independent.
Hmm.
The night sky's been... cloudy lately. It's so unclear, separates me from the stars.
But I'm much better prepared now. Just one frozen frame of the twinkles, please, at least.
Insignificant, they think they are. Although their warmth is as good as zilch, they're truly inspirational. It's too bad really, that they don't possess those pair of eyes on earth to see from our perspective. A majestic glow of light, in the middle of unimaginable void - such contrast for us. Silently blanketing our night, with humility. Maybe they don't intend to but hey, they're doing it. It's not our fault if we appreciate what they do.
It was the Moon at first, then Mars. What next? I'm sure we'll improve to venture further. Maybe, just maybe, we'll reach the stars. The only problem is.. we're seeing what they were, not what they are. The nearest star is 4.2 light years from us. Others are millions away. By the time their light reaches us, we'll being seeing a remnant - a snapshot of their past. Imagine a spaceship, maybe even astronauts, heading towards a star and when they reach it, the star's already evolved into a different gas class, or a supernova or just gone. Haha! But... I'm pretty sure humans are smart enough to study the stars. Coz for our kind, we travel with the future in mind. Of course we do, right?
But if that actually happens... Do we send our earth ambassadors to the next star, or stick to their survival instincts and head home with the planned amount fuel? That is, if they were actually planning to have a return trip. If they weren't planning to return, that star was their all. If the star is really not what they expected them to be, they'll just be floating around in confusion, aimlessly, with no gravity to pull them anywhere else. We're deluded by their separation from one another here on earth - light years appear to be mere millimetres. Most will say they're common things in the night sky. Well, what's uncommon for them then. Having chics in a bar to treat them tequilas? It's plain different. It's plain oblivion. The astronauts in the particular dilemma know best. Despite their abundance, astronauts perceive them to be extremely rare as the distance from one star to another is just absurd in human terms. It takes so much to get to one, let alone another. I believe that the next stage of admiration is genuine respect. I think these astronauts respect their destinations and it's a.. feeling only they understand.
It's unfortunate that these stars dwarf their visitors. Maybe they won't even notice them at all. Or maybe they do. Maybe to them, it's a privilege to have a unique matter from another corner of the universe within close proximity. Maybe the stars have senses. Maybe the stars are actually less dead than we thought.
But the textbook doesn't say so.
Hah. Our textbooks are mere observations. The more we blindly trust our textbooks, the less we adapt to reality. I guess it's more of a 'textbook for survival' now instead of a 'textbook for knowledge'.
Anyways. I mean really, who knows, except for the stars themselves.
And due to that, I'll gladly treat them with respect, too.
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth
with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been,
and there you will always long to return."
If you didn't know, I have a new Flickr. Click the pic! Ty.
Holy blimey.
Am I drunk or something? *checks water bottle beside me* Hahaha. Must be the water, aye? Hmm, but pardon me. I think at times like this, I speak a different language. I think I really do! Hahaha. And tsk. Don't bother trying google translate.
By the way, did I waste your time? I hope not.
Legaci > Boyce Avenue. Has always been that way. My opinion.
Have you ever re-read a blog post.. at a slower pace?
How about with this legaci cover of jason mraz playing in the background?
I feel like sharing a substantial part of my life with you guys. No it's not about me, or events, or what I dreamt of last night coz I don't feel like telling anyone that I dreamt of flying a home-made mini-chopper over a nuclear plant and got accused as a spy and got hunted down, and when I was cornered, I was talking my way out and trying to distract them so that I can run away.
Oup.
Anyways, in 2009 I subscribed to this man on YouTube and have watched hundreds of his videos, including his famed company's videos, Machinima. He's Seananners, aka Adam Montoya. A renowned YouTuber who does video game commentaries. An icon.
No no no, no judging.
Apart from giving tips and reviews, many of his vids are not game orientated at all. I mean he'll show the vid of him playing, but he'll talk about everything and anything. And it's the constructive everything and anything. An influential and modest person, really.
I truly admire him, so very much.
Maybe you'll think that I'm just exaggerating or over-hyping, but really, he's an important figure in my life. Well, I guess it's the way we view things that are presented to us right on our doorsteps.
Afterall, it's not about the book, it's how we read it.
4 minutes of your time. Means a lot to me if you watch it. (:
Why am I extremely attached to the classics in general?
Is it the beat, the tune, the melody, or the lyrics?
Or is it just my blindly-biased crush on the old era? (:
I kind of have the answers but it's just.......
An abstract feeling that few understands.
A dying language, unspoken by the tongue.
A thing that is justified through self-ventured experience, not descriptions.
Well. If you really want to know. I'll try wording it for you. But it would be like reading a text portraying the famous painting of Impression Sunrise by Monet, but the text is written by an inexperienced, insignificant stranger who very well knows nothing except for the fact that it looks like a vague, dully painted landscape on canvas by a 12 years old. You get my drift.
But I'll try.
Well, the classics are just,
Genuine.
They may not have the vocals or catchy melody that appeals to the people today..
But it is the delivery of an impression that's soul touching.
Not through heart-poured emotions, but through sincerity.
Ah yes an example will be about right at this moment.
The problem is, there are tons of examples. Mmm.
How about I'll just pick the song I'm listening to right now.
Btw I'm so addicted to his Baaaaaaaby Jane part.
Baby jane dont leave me hanging on the line. I knew you when you had no one to talk to. Now youre moving in high society. Dont forget I know secrets about you. I used to think you were on my side. But now Im no longer sure. I wish I knew what I know now before.
This song makes me smile inside, everytime (:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's different now.
Ahh yes, yes, who cares right xD
Speaking about that, I'm not entirely sure but I think most of you just tend to ignore the songs I put up to share. And might sometimes just scan through instead of reading what I have here. Just a feeling.
As a kid I've always been following them for overnight fishing around Singapore and sometimes, Malaysia too. It wasn't really my own hobby. I guess it's just passed down. But the interest died down a couple of years back when I didn't feel the fun of it. From then on, luring me away for a fishing trip was quite a challenge for them.
But last night, I changed my mind and accompanied my dad and uncle - for fishing.
(Sorry pb dudes, didn't join coz I didn't want to spread my illness to you)
They brought me to a dark, unlit, empty stretch of beach at Changi. Set up my own small 1 man plastic sheet on the sand, in front of the waves. Put on a jacket, crossed my legs, and stared straight ahead.
Soon after that, it was midnight. The ships in the distance had a joyful battle of their loud horns, and shot flares into the sky.
Ahh. 2012. (:
When the flares disappeared, I wondered why there aren't many people around to witness this quiet side of Singapore for their 'countdown'. It was just the three of us, plus a handful of moving headlights at the other corner of the beach - another group of fishermen.
And then, something got me.
My dad and uncle. Just seating beside their rods, soothed by the sea breeze. Hours of dead silence. I remember being told to be quiet when I was fishing with them as a kid.
"You'll chase the fish away." xD
But now I'm thankful to realize, that it's more than that.
Silence is a special form of discipline in fishing, and possibly everything, too.
A form of respect, that we're finding food first-hand, for our family.
An opportunity to have a purely undistracted, and clear mind.
A time to be humbled by the creations of the stars, land and sea.
A stage to have the birds-eye view over current happenings.
But most of all, I love viewing it as a tool to communicate with those around you.
I may be melodramatic here (very), but it's as though my dad and uncle were talking to me, in silence. Hmmm. What's famous for telepathy? Stars Wars? Bananas In Pajamas? Vampires? No? Hahaha. xD
I felt as though I was being filled by their words, advice, and lessons. Hahaha call me crazy, for all I care! But I really experienced it. Maybe it's just me getting through their perspectives and wondering -
What would they do if they're in my shoes? Just maybe.
Well, their silence spoke to me, and here I am writing. [:
They're not quiet people only when they face the sea, they're generally quiet in life too.
Not just vocally.
If you don't mind, may I share something about them?
Please don't see it as me being overproud of them. (:
I didn't know my uncle was a respected football player in the local region. He never spoke to me a single word about his glory. In his prime, the word of his name got passed around by players. He even got invited to join a singapore squad but he declined. I was told he wanted to stay off the media, and man I truly respect that decision.
And for my dad, I respect his silence of self-sacrifice. During his early 20s he somehow managed to be finger-picked as a pilot. Private planes, or some sort. But he knew that to proceed to the last stage of that career, he needs a sum of money for the last course. He turned down the offer, not even asking his parents for aid as he knew that his family's financially status wasn't good back then. What a man.
I hope to learn everything from them, someday.
Even if they're not going to say a word, I'll listen.
