6 months - the longest holiday break in my life and I won't be having it again. It will be a ride with no pit stops from now on. National Service to Uni to .... bigger things. This break is by far the best break I've ever had (well ofc 6months). Managed to do things I wanted to do - not much though. Just small hobbies that, I think, can make someone see and appreciate things at a different level.
I re-read some of my old books. Mostly by John Grisham. A good writer who brings out the full essence of a human life story. He pictures things brilliantly and subtly drives you to empathize. My current top 2 books are: A Painted House by John Grisham & Rocket Boys by Homer Hickam Jr. My strong recommendations. Go to the library and find them if you have the.. nvm. :D But really, try grabbing a good book you've read 4 years ago and read it patiently at night. It will be a pleasant surprise, trust me on this one.
Numero due. I got myself a DSLR during this break. It's one of those things that I want to keep and treasure for a very long time. I want to be the person with the old camera and memory card to show you how things look like ages ago from my perspective. Not just plain tourist type of take and shoot but a shot that has its own type of atmosphere and feel. It will be interesting won't it? Haha. But I will still need to learn more about photography from the pros. Hopefully this cam will last till I can point it at the Aurora Borealis or something. I'll miss roaming aimlessly with a cam in my hand.
I've been sketching too. Watched time lapsed portrait vids on YouTube by ThePortraitArt and was kinda.. motivated to hold a non-mechanical pencil once again. He's a beast at sketching, seriously. I must say I improved coz I wasn't lazy to use different shades of pencils, erase and re-sketch when I have to, and be patient. Treat everything as meaningless lines and shadings - Mr Zabid's first ever advice in our first art lesson when we sketched an upside down image of a dancer. Hahaha. I still remember Aidil's abstract version of the number 3 - got the teachers thinking that he's from another religion! Ahh. Good AEP times. Driving us crazy with boards and presentations more so than the final products. Evolving us to see unpainted meanings in the colours on canvas or installation. For those in AEP, just think about it - what will we be if we're not in it? A slightly more boring person. xD
Clicky click to enlarge. Ty.
Well anyways there's my latest portrait of Connie. By the way Connie, please don't change to be a mainstream teen, yeah? When I first wrote about her on this blog 2 months ago, I had my hopes up high wishing that she'll be a mini Whitney Houston or Celine Dion in the making but it was destroyed when I heard her latest single Sail Away (written by someone else). Auto-tuned and in my opinion, a boring beat. It's like her soul for powerful, respectable songs were taken away from her by the harsh, 'creative' music industry. I'm sorry to say this but I feel Sail Away is those kind of songs that can be high in radio/Itunes charts due to an audience who hasn't heard the sound of true music. It's a little harsh from me, I know. Maybe it's more focused towards business strategies nowadays. Or maybe it's just my biased my preference. But hey, I know I'm not alone making this stand.
Speaking about songs, I think I improved on my voice, a little. Hahahaha. I remember wanting to upload tons of covers but I became lazy and only did a handful during the hols. Oh wells, but I managed to reach higher notes and sustain a tad longer. OH I finally figured out the chords of My Cherie Amour from Stevie Wonder. The chords fingering are so alien and foreign. Ab7+5 C#maj7 Gb7sus F#7 Cbmaj7 Ab7sus4 Ab7. It's like a formula to generate a wormhole in space or something. It's a big thing for me to be able to sing this properly coz it's one of my top 10 all time favourites (I'm usually against ranking songs). Hahaha I still have a phone recording file of me singing cherie amour in sec 2. No wonder the phone spoiled. When I listen to my old uploaded covers on youtube.. I just feel like deleting it and kill my old me for being so shameless.
Some of my nights were spent at my friend's house at Kembangan. Sitting beside the dark pool side with a couple of guitars, controlling our volume and laughter in the middle of the night so that we won't wake an MP who's living next door. Ah. The return trip to home is ALWAYS a challenge - cycling / walking alone through the stretch of park connector. But you'll feel like a king cruising through the route, roadside, and void decks with no one around you.
Ahhh and what's a holiday without overnight cycling + chalet? Hahaha. Hands down the main highlight of my hols was cycling from Pasir Ris to Yishun and through the haunted Old Tampines Road where shit got real. Dang, goosebumps thinking about it again. "We'll never do this again". That's what we said after our Old Changi Hospital experience. Come on. Guys will be guys (stubborn guys). Talking about paranormal and shizz, there's a high chance I'll be in School 4 in Tekong. The ulu school that's deep inside and separated from the other schools which are together. It was an ex-cemetry. Hafidzhin's in School 4 and he already has paranormal stories to talk about. I'm excited and a little shaky (inside) at the same time. Don't ask for it, Azmi (not so much). For the sceptics who has no experience (yet), it might not be a biggie or whatsoever. But for an idiot like me with eyeballs who can't stop looking around.... Hahaha. I'm an idiot seriously.
But ultimately, the best thing I've done for this holiday is writing on this blog.
I'm paranoid that one day, Blogger's server might just crash and my archives and site will be deleted forever. I don't think many will understand how attached I am to this blog, to the background song that replays the recorded sentiments. It really is a tool for me to sit for hours and sometimes stare blankly at it in the middle of the night.
I'll be brutally honest with you. I've been holding a selfish thought for a long time. I question people's characters, mindsets, voices, and often wonder, why are they so different? Why can't they be a simple person with lesser mistakes? Why do they have to flaunt their strengths without thinking about how people might feel? Why can't they hold simple values? Why are they flawed without them realizing? It made me feel strangely superior and although I think no one noticed it, it made me feel better being THAT good person.
But sadly it wasn't my true colours. I once wrote about my hatred towards people putting on a show 'while you're backstage knowing everything that's going on'. I told myself, who am I to assume that I'm not running my own set of shows? And I was right. I was running my own show, showing that I'm a good person instead of being one. Most of us are.
An sms during the 1st of Jan this year impacted me greatly. He just doesn't know. It was a compliment that made me feel extremely guilty. I was sitting down at Changi beach, accompanying my dad and uncle (I saw a comet that night). I was disappointed that an individual I respect so much actually look up to me. I knew deep down inside, he's far better in every way possible. I don't want to be over dramatic but, it's like having your child looking up to a side of you, while consciously keeping your flaws out of her reach. It's like going to a religious place hoping that someone familiar will see you in it. I hope such cruel thoughts won't be thought of in my mind again.
A few days ago, I saw a 4-5 year old sitting beside his dad doing his prayers. A man behind him quietly offered a handshake (salam) to the boy after he was done and sneaked in 5 dollars into the boy's hand. He left straight away and the boy was confused, but he kept quiet. Later on, the boy went on to show the money to his dad and his dad looked around but the man wasn't there anymore. He took out his own set of money and told his son to place it in the donation box. It was a quiet scene that didn't beg for any attention but spoke a volume to those who witnessed it.
It's frightening to know the speed and number of change I had for myself. I think I have a thing for empathizing and visualizing being in someone else's head because I was that someone else before in some stage of my life. Reading through my old blog archives can make me shake my head and smile while I read the lines of my old deluded self. It's really scary because at that age of time, I thought I knew what I was thinking and doing. But now, my past self looked like a fool. A tricky boy who knew how to deal with things.
This blog is really, a big help to me.
I'm sorry for making this blog sometimes unbearable, melo-dramatic, too abstract, like I'm just quoting famous quotes or some shizz, or as though I'm the only one realizing certain things, or if this blog doesn't match what I am. But if it turns out to be of any use to you, well that's good then. Sometimes I can't share my exact sentiments on something in this blog. Well, I can't. It's like trying to share a meaningful song that you treasure to people and hope that they have the same level of admiration as you do. It will never be the same. It's like having a mentor telling you to do certain things but you don't coz you've yet to see their true value.
Everyone of us have wished to be a better person at some point. It's great to have that will. I think what we lack is the sight to see things around us as a form of help for what we want to achieve. Afterall, the best teacher is none but ourselves. I hope we get to experience all sorts of different things, regardless of their size and impact. And talking about experiencing things.. WOOH. Botakman running around in tekong starting from tomorrow. I hope that no one will be careless and point a rifle without placing it on safe or smth. And I pray that my mom will be alright without me fetching her from dialysis. I'm seriously worried when no one's going to be there when she can't walk straight, have bad giddiness, and have blood flowing out of her arm while going home. Please, let her be okay.
For those of you who know me very well, I'm a nerd when it comes to natural sceneries and stuffs. So yeah, grass, trees, sand, dirt, away from tall modern buildings. Damn. Paradise. I'm going to enjoy tekong even if I'm going to be in the hiongster companies, cussing silently for any pain and aching, and be treated like a worthless recruit (which I'm going to be).
Haha. During an angel-mortal game in my school, someone (dont think it's my angel) gave me a card saying that I resemble Tarzan with my nerdy nature admiration and activeness. Well... that person is so damn right. I'll let this song sum up this post.
Oh, the power to be strong
And the wisdom to be wise
All these things will come to you in time
On this journey that you're making
There'll be answers that you'll seek
And it's you who'll climb the mountain
It's you who'll reach the peak
Though there's no one there to guide you
No one to take your hand
But with faith and understanding
You will journey from boy to man
In learning you will teach
And teaching you will learn
You'll find your place beside the ones you love
Oh, and all the things you dreamed of
The visions that you saw
Well, the time is drawing near now
It's yours to claim it all
Son of Man, look to the sky
Lift your spirit, set it free
Some day you'll walk tall with pride
Son of Man, a man in time you'll be
& Here ends the best break in my life. G'bye!
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