Victorian Spirit

It lingers on.

The Victorian Challenge I had a few days ago was simply, meaningful.
Just you, the strong breeze, the moon, the imminent sunrise.
And the flag.

(plus a grp of awesome ppl at the checkpoint ofc) (:

I should be grateful.

It has been quite some time since..

I don't usually show my emotions and problems.

I just cried, in front of my mom.
She didn't scold me at all, it's... just her words.

Talking to me about her only wish, which is to see me smile in the future.
With her current condition, she's really unsure if she can hold on for that long.

I don't know man. I've been quietly eating up all these sorrows in my house.
Maybe it's the reason tt I'm diverting to excessive 'de-stressing' hobbies of mine?

No one will understand, especially those that sees me everyday.
Hmm, maybe they have their own problems, and chose not to reveal them?
Or maybe I'm just fated to be tested during my early years, Here.

It's my fault anyways, since this was brought up after telling her about my results.
It's the first time I prepared ahead of time (lol 1.5 week), studying, for my JCTs.
But guess what, I did worse. As compared to my classmates AND my prev exams.

I usually don't feel that disappointed or anything, but this time, it really hurts.
Gosh, Azmi seriously, is this yr first time talking like this? Maybe. My bad.

Maybe I've been a liar to myself and my friends as the years pass by.
Maybe I've been tricked into my own subconscious world, thinking that everything's the same as last time, when I can do what I want and give a heck, and still achieve my goals.

Now's not the same, Azmi.
It's tougher.
And you've been stagnant all these years, while others grew steadily as they are aware of the ever-changing types and difficulty of obstacles.

You've disappointed your parents, your tutors, those who cares abt you, and most importantly, Yourself.

Yes, non-academic activities do bring you knowledge, opens up your eyes and mind to the world, and can even sometimes set your moral compass straight, reminding you of what must be done.

But you're doing it wrong mate, it's different now.


Heck this sounds gay, but my tears dried up.

I know, I know you readers might be laughing at me, my foolishness, stubborn attitude, etc.

Well, sir, ma'am, may I join you too, in laughing at my current self,
as I pray and prepare for change.

All seems good. Well, mostly.

I'm really thankful to be enjoying the current situation I'm in right now.

Hmm, I guess marking for future nostalgia is a good way to cherish your present self.
If you know what I'm talking abt. (:

Haha pardon me for this short post.

Guess we don't really need eventful stuffs to brighten up our lives.

Zen style appreciation.