Happiness

Today, Mata Thai's mala hotpot surprised me, pleasantly. At dusk, my mum accompanied me in the living room as I benched while watching Mark Wien's Penang adventures. The muted colours and dull darkness outside accompanied us.

I shall remember today. Just like how I remember a seemingly insignificant memory of me answering my mum "Ye Ma?" in the living room while she was shifting the laundry poles outside. I was 4 years old.

I believe this is what silent happiness feels like.

Journey

I shall remember the long painful limp to An-Nadhah.

God has other plans and I must trust it. Always choose kindness, especially for ourselves.

A few weeks ago, I was reminded of the unique beauty in a process. This pain is a blessing.

At the end of the rainbow

My laughter projected skywards (three times iirc) when I first heard "As Long As You Follow" by Fleetwood Mac while walking home this evening.

I foresee holding the proverbial hand of my 4 year old self during trying times.

"As long as you follow."

Nothing, in relation to all

There seems to be nothingness from where I stand. Vast blackness. It seems like only non-transactional sincerity can brighten up my sight. For now, I shall be polite with my life's sadness. I shall welcome small joys, so small that no one will see them.

My Man

What are the odds of Taufik Batisah pointing directly at me to come up on stage for a fun segment. Did not wish to go up but was coaxed by him. A dream come true to interact with my idol. It felt surreal. God-sent. I must have done something good in my life. I must continue to be a grateful servant. 

"See, your life is not always bitter", said Mama over the phone.

Peaks and Valleys

Tonight, I had my virgin concert experience, with SHINee. A core memory. It is tough to explain what they mean to me. I am grateful.

Also tonight, while unknotting the euphoria, my dad shared that my mom has been crying in the hospital this evening due to unbearable pain.

I am sipping lemon chamomile at SGH now.

Living the happiest and saddest times of my life. This heart of stone continues to beat. Onward.

Melancholy

Duty in office on CNY.

Sitting beside the window. Rolling clouds and swaying trees. Tranquil silence. Peace amidst all internal chaos. I teared badly when I imagined myself standing at the peak of a mountain. It will not be the view that gets me.

Life is tough. I am afraid of losing loved ones and the things I love.

Dear God - the Most Wise and Most Merciful - only You can save us all. All Praise is to You.

Dark Clouds, They Pour

This weather holds extra significance to a dulling soul. The chilly winds, the muted colours evoked by surrounding grayness, the full moon's halo caused by minute crystals in the high cirrus clouds, the sweet ozone announcing the imminence of rain, the inward musings gravitated by denser atmospheres, and not forgetting the light heavenly tears dancing with boundless trust that they will nourish the hearts in need.

Time and time again, we rediscover that the beauty of the world starts from within.