A special one

Al-Fatihah.

):

9.30 ~

Time

Permitted to have this coincidence.

Al Hujurat.

A great lecture.

This morning at 4am I hugged my mother for the first time (in a long while). Dreamed that she passed away. May Allah bless her with good health, peace and Paradise.

These are honest words: It is humbling and embarrassing to know that I have many things to work on. Such forgetful beings, are we.

"And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind." (20:124)

Bless us with Your Gentle Guidance

لَّا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ

Convocation

It's just another tequila sunrise,
this old world still looks the same,
another frame.

Rainy Night in Georgia

This weather greeted me with beautiful news. Alhamdulillah.

Dhuha

I don't recall the last time I teared with joy. Well come to think of it, perhaps today's tears weren't of happiness too. I felt embarrassed and unworthy. Despite my grave shortcomings, I'm still being continuously blessed with Allah's Rahmah.

This morning, I was alone. The Vineyard candle was being burned to replace the anxious sentiments attached to its humble scent. The blue sky beamed an instinctive beacon of guidance, that clarity comes with patience, and patience comes to those with a compass. The sun blazed through the gap with great gravity, heating a primitive reminder - Feel. Feel the seen and the unseen.

I've been calling my cats in the 'Far Horizons' tune from Skyrim. "Amy where Amy... Samu where Samu...". I hope you'll give it a listen. My cats have genuine hearts.

Old

Lately I've been experiencing moments of bliss. But happiness makes me sad because I know it's temporal. This is unhealthy.

It's drizzling.

Windless

The winds - I don't feel them now.
The scent of ozone before the rain hasn't been apparent too.
Tough times.

It was a good ending to my academic journey. My FYP presentation went well. I was able to connect with the moderator and received positive feedback from my professor and the junior who sat in. All the struggles during practice disappeared and everything went smoothly. The moment I exited the room, I knew it was God's help.

I am also thankful for all the support I received throughout my university life. If you refer to my 26th Nov 2017 post, I dedicated a classical piece called "Misty". It's a fitting piece for the 3 most important individuals in my life for the concern they showed me on that day. But ultimately, Alhamdulillah for all the blessings, especially the ones I have been receiving lately.

Despite being a slave full of sins, He still nourishes me with blessings that propel me forward. This year, I've tried my best to live by remembering "Verily, the remembrance of Allah is the greatest" (usually the 2nd last verse of khutbahs). Such a humbling reminder. A comforting one too. Regardless of the blessings or challenges presented, everything gets simplified into one advice.

Giving advice is not easy for me. I'm generally scared that I will be tested to be a man of my word when struck with the same adversity. I've experienced these tests sufficient times to be wary. This month, I shared the same advice to two individuals. True enough, the test came two days later.

I believe SCDF is the right choice. Apart from the stability and income for my current and future family, I know that I need a genuine purpose in my life. It is also a career surrounded by gratitude. I'll be frank - I was privileged enough to be offered a scholarship from them, but I didn't accept it because I disliked how certain things ran in the management level, especially when it came to implementations of administrative and ground matters. 4 years later, I realized most of the sectors are like that. No organisation can be perfect. I have faith in the younger generation of leaders.

I was told to undergo training again for 7 months during both interviews, as I have expected. But a few days ago, I received surprising news - You are not required to go through RCC. You will report directly to a Fire Station.

What on Earth.

It's been 4 years. I'm out of touch. New equipment. New procedures. New appointments. My fitness and body conditioning need work. Please forgive me for saying this - during my training 6 years ago, I took the course seriously and ended up being the best nsf in my batch, which led to the Central FS posting. I was posted based on merit. People knew I was capable. I wasn't empty. On-the-ground. From there, it was easier to build upon the mutual respect and relationships. Now, without this training, I know it's slightly more difficult. And what about the station posting? I hope it is at least based on distance from my home.

All I wanted to do after graduating from university was to be carefree for a while. The plan was to just enter training for 7 months and progressively prepare myself for real responsibilities next year. Oh well, I must be grateful for this blessing. I'm thankful that the commissioner and his team trust my capabilities. My parents are extremely happy I won't be in camp for 7 months. I won't have to worry about them or my cats (specifically cat litter issues because my parents vowed not to touch it). I'll have to eat more and train every night this Ramadhan. My ex-colleagues are volunteering to give me a refresher course, training notes and updates too. Allah knows what's best for me. Alhamdulillah ‘alaa kuli haal.

And... I just answered my parents salaam by saying "Alhamdulillah". Awkward.

Oh wow it's dark. The smell of ozone! The coolness of the winds! They're back!

What did it cost?

"This is the end game"

Avengers Infinity War. 10 years. The most hyped up movie for me lived up to its expectations. The best movie experience, hands down. Great acting by most of them too. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but boy, did it serve the comic fans well.

Now back to saving my academic universe.

Different Switches

Looking at the PS1 games that I used to play with my parents make me want to be a better son, especially towards my mother.

These were some of the games we used to play daily together. I had like 60+ PS1 games. All pirated though.

Time flies.

Pray to be a changed man

Before the rain begins, the first smell you may notice as winds pick up and clouds roll in is a sweet, pungent zing in your nostrils. That's the sharp, fresh aroma of ozone—a form of oxygen whose name comes from the Greek word ozein (to smell).

Molecules containing oxygen are split apart by the storm’s lightning, and the individual oxygen atoms recombine to form ozone. This ozone is carried down to the ground by vertical winds (the ‘down-draft’) and pushed ahead of the storm.

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Time

The weather has been beautiful lately, in its own way. The clouds are earnestly blue. The winds taste of hope, resolution, perseverance and mercy - A cleansing. But why does my heart beat arrogantly for it? The hunger of wanting it to define my soul, by making it mine without the ability to possess it, defines an arrogant admirer prisoned by time.

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I am 24 years old. My parents need to stop working, especially my mum. I need to secure a stable job, preferably a public sector - higher stability and suitable culture. I hope BCA calls me back. My parents need to stop working.

My backup plan has always been SCDF. Comfortable. Iron rice bowl. I am thankful for the recent conversation with my station OC. I worry about the 7 months training phase when I have to be away from my house on weekdays. I worry about the post-station stint postings. My regular peers have mixed views and personal stories of their departments. Some are doing well. Some have left.

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The birds have their evening feeding time before dusk. Something genuinely special about that.