I hate myself

Why!? Why must it be now? Why must it be in Sec 3, the most important part of O lvls.

I've failed my first subject. English. The most important subject. U fail at the end of year (overall), u stayback.

CA1 English - 41/100 . Yarh. I know. It's very bad.

Its not abt the marks ok.

It's abt the pressure thats closing in on me.

Broke my finger. Spoiled my small money box. Punched my cabinets.

StrreSSSS!!!!!!!

I guys will just think "arh, azmi, emo, coz he fail. Nothing much larh. Everyone oso got fail b4."

Guys, its not abt that. It's abt.. haiz..

I'm always thinking abt my future abt my family and relatives' future.
I'm their last matchstick. I'm their last, to light a huge flame of paradise. To show and lead the right way through.

Came back, as usual. Quarreled wif my parents. They just seem to not understand my feelings. They just won't know. I'm thinking abt their future. Abt my relatives future. My cousins. Every single one. Their tone of voice is seriously unsuitable. I've told my mom nicely why I'm very stress and lose control easily. Haiz, my dad went off to my grandpa's and auntie's house. I pity him too. Thinking abt my situation. Our future. Everything. U guys won't know. Nvm.

DO u noe how freaking pressurized am I??????????????

I nda secure a good and stable job. For everyone. ok? for everyone.

U guys may think that you are poorer than me, blablabla. No.

U guys donnoe and will never ever know. I've promised not to leak out my private family problems. You guys are so lucky. So lucky to have a wonderful starting life. So lucky to have siblings and cousins which will support you and everyone else. Haiz.

Maybe I'll fully explain my story. Juz pls think that I'm not juz an ordinary guy ok? I'm not those type of ppl hu emo here and there juz for the sake of releasing their emotions / stress coz of their relationships with parents or gf/bf..

I JUst CANT Freaking tell you why ok!? Not now.

I must be strong, and carry on..


Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven

Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven