Owl. I'm an owl.

- - -

Something's weird. I need to fix myself.

Self-empathy.

Habseligkeiten

(n.) few, paltry belongings one finds special, whose values evolve from personal meanings and from the happiness and sentiment of having these certain objects.

Pleasant

There's something uniquely peaceful about this midnight rain. It makes us understand.

Thank you.

The first three for the fire

Be aware of our subconscious mind. Be in continuous control of our intentions. Purify the heart. Let it be our thoughts. Then let it move our limbs. And if we do speak, let it be our only voice.

I'm truly afraid of myself.

Must. Should. Like to. Shouldn't. To each his own. Dots. Covers. Design. Content. Inside. Naive. Truth. Oblivious. Lies. Lapses. Resentment. Precious. Flower. Poverty. Correcting. Learn. Example. Hasad. Breathe. Kibr. Wrong. Patience. Not right. Test. Words. Preference. Taste. Look. Hear. No. Listen. Control. Ground. Feet. Sky. Head. Eyes. Chest. Three. Touch. Tap. Faith. Gentle. Understand. Wisdom. Silence.

What is right. What is accepted. What is wrong. What is rejected.

Insaan.

A forgotten lullaby

Perfection can never be shown, only discovered.
And only discovery itself, defines perfection in this world.

2 years ago. Station. The time I believed I was the strongest version of myself. I still hid from my guys when I had to keep things real within me.

Perhaps it's a little different now. Or,

Perhaps we're made to forget and choose what we wish to remember.

Free swensens meal thank you so so very much ziyad

PYP 1993 Photo Documentation Mod Finals Question 2.7:

Give some thoughts about the Ziyad-ness of the photo below.

I don't remember ever seeing this expression from him. Doesn't seem to be a 'ziyad' expression at all actually. Hmm.

No doubt, he seems to be thinking of something. An unpleasant memory? A sticky situation in a conversation? Choosing his words to paint the right picture vs the accurate picture? There's an essence of seriousness and deep thought in this photo. However, what's notable is his slight attempt to almost.. smile. It's not a proper smile. But he's trying to. He seems to be in this very brief uncertainty of wanting to know what to feel, while subconsciously thinking of what to inform/project. This might be the reason why I don't really remember this particular expression. It might be very brief. Too brief. Is it human nature to not notice this brief moment of change? Is it human nature to keep this moment brief? Seems like a naturally ideal window to look into another person's soul - his transition. The subconscious transition of one state / emotion / thought / sentiment to another. Of hiding and showing. Of doubts and faith. Of knowing and finding.

The subconscious mind is more truthful than the conscious one.

What truth is he hiding?

Perhaps I fail to see him in this state before. Perhaps he's not actively concealing this transition phase. It's just natural for him. It's natural for his subconscious mind to keep this raw and exposed transition phase hidden from view. Why though?

The subconscious mind is more vulnerable than the conscious one.

Is this the ziyad I know? Hmm.

- - -

In other news,

HUAAAARRGHHH MANNYYAAAK SHHAAAAGG AHHHH!!!!!!

In other news,

Can't wait for exams to end. Hehehhh. (':

In other news,

Eh what kind of post is this ah. Azmi ngantuk eh.

47:(29-31)

Or do those in whose hearts is disease think that Allah would never expose their [feelings of] hatred? And if We willed, We could show them to you, and you would know them by their mark; but you will surely know them by the tone of [their] speech. And Allah knows your deeds. And We will surely test you until We make evident those who strive among you [for the cause of Allah ] and the patient, and We will test your affairs.

Mistimanchachi

In learning you will teach,

In teaching you will learn.

We grow through solitude

"It is difficult today to leave one's friends and family and deliberately practice the art of solitude, for an hour or a day or a week. And yet, when it is done, I find there is a quality of being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, richer, more vivid, fuller than before...

It is not physical solitude that actually separates one from other men, not physical isolation, but spiritual isolation. It is not the desert island nor the stony wilderness that cuts you from the people you love. It is the wilderness of the mind, the desert wastes in the heart through which one wanders lost and a stranger. When one is a stranger to oneself then one cannot touch others. How often, in a large city, shaking hands with my friends, I have felt the wilderness stretching between us. Both of us were wandering in arid wastes, having lost the springs that nourished us-or having found them dry.

Only when one is connected to one's own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift From the Sea.

- - -

I wrote a post here on 25 September 2013, hesitating to share a meaningful letter. I didn't share it. I had my reasons back then. But recently things have changed around me and within me. I have my own new reasons now. So I'll share.

1) Pardon the grammar (RIP english).

2) Please feel free to laugh at some of the naive things I wrote. I know I laughed.

3) After writing this letter, we had a competitive beach run. There were other better runners. All I thought about during the run was the letter.

4) If you are feeling distracted, please don't read it. Thank you.

->  Letter from a Friend

Believe in His gentle guidance

Yesterday, the morning rain was extremely different, in a very good way.

This morning, for the first time in a long while, I noticed a clear, blue sky.

Serambi

Today, I experienced contentment.

Mitsuya Tasty Biscuit Stick

When I was 4 or 5, my dad taught me how to use the CD player underneath our TV. That player is connected to the surround system in the hall. I remember being engrossed with this song collection album called 'Slow Rock Golden Hits', which I used to pronounce as 'slow rock golden heights'. 15 beautiful songs.

I vividly recall sitting cross-legged in front of the player, listening to a handful of songs repeatedly. I didn't understand a thing back then but I kept replaying those songs.

This was one of the them.

1437

I'm surrounded by the best of people. But I feel so alone. It really doesn't make sense. Something which I'm not foreign to, but as of lately, I have difficulty being comfortable with that.

I believe there is hidden arrogance in my heart.

Lagu Zaman

Bagai sirih pulang dalam gagang, seri cemerlang
Bukanlah sebarang siapa jua boleh menyanyikan

Hamba pun menumpang sama menyanyikan
Lagu zaman, yang berzaman
Lagu lama dengan rasa
Cara kita orang timur

Hand to Heart

Sometimes we forget what we believed in, and other times, we forget what we believe in.

Optima

If I had to swim across the toughest sea, and at the same time fight a shark biting my leg, and steady my rifle to shoot the pilot of a warplane high up in the sky (note I'm still in the waters), and find out that the shark was actually a fake costume and inside it was Muhammad Ali in his prime challenging me to the full 12 rounds, and get activated for seven burning hospital buildings with bed-ridden patients, and get yelled at by someone trying to read his morning papers (Now I feel like saving my bullet for him instead), and be bugged down by important questions of life like what to eat for dinner, and be knocked out by Ali in the first five seconds only to find out afterwards that he accidentally sneezed and didn't touch me at all and kind of want to have a rematch with me because he thought I was giving him chance and then during the rematch I got curious and asked him what's his favourite colour and why but he replied with I don't know bro and because of that I got angry and suddenly felt like invading Poland, but oh crap I shot a fish instead of the pilot so oh wells that's my dinner, and ohmygoodness I left the stove on at home...

I'd listen to this song.

The loudest book on the shelf is the one with an empty cover

Most, if not all, books are visually enveloped with strategic designs.

Most, if not all, libraries observe the 'Quiet' rule.

Yes, no wonder.

Have you been to this place?

Is there a place in reality where we can be selfish and selfless at the same time? Where sincerity has no cost. Where thinking of lies can expose the truth for us. Where courage can exist in the form of cowardice. Where those who speak, without lowering their eyes, know nothing.

Let me know.

Existential crisis: I think I'm a plant

In my efforts to understand the rain, I lost track of the difference between a drizzle and a downpour.

Beautiful.

How little I understand about the rain.

"Verily, adversity has befallen me"

The process of being blessed with patience will never be easy.

How can I forget? I should be thankful.

You were who you were. You are who you are.

The Narrow Road to the Deep North. It is a beautiful piece of written art.
In the final pages, it quoted an excerpt from Ulysses -

And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star

Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more.

Frameless

Paint me a faint rainbow, if you know,
Mellow eyes descend for common ground.

Paint the spirit of gray, if you may,
Only silence fathoms a quiet crown.

Paint me a gentle breeze, if you please,
Nothing but tenderness roots me down.

Paint my colours of teal, if you will,
Still this heart scurries for shade in brown.

But,
Must,
Trust,
Just...

Just paint. Oh, naive roses of burgundy!
A frameless piece will always be found.

Moonless nights

Oh sweet-toothed society.

Don't let the ants crawl onto our black stones.

Jamais vu

"We cant endure pointless torment,
But we can endure great pain if we believe in its purpose."

Contentment isn't what arrives when all your woes are behind you. Contentment is when we have only bliss to look forward to and discover, in what is claimed to be sorrow, the budding roots of our joy.

Dearly beloved

Endless hope makes you live in the present.

The rustic gates to normalcy

The things we share render us vulnerable. God knows what's compounding in this promised darkness. It's absurd to believe we don't have limits created for our own natural interest, when we're instinctively sitting on fences. The more we know, the less we understand. It's nothing but a comforting mirage. Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake we realize things were strange. But I still choose to dream. The less we understand, the more we'll know. Seek the comfort of familiarity while embracing change as only change defines the freedom of familiarity.

It's amazing how complexity pays attention to itself and silently jades into simplicity. So dream, and trace the roots. Have the dignity of a fallen leaf when autumn's due. Come back, and crawl through the gates again. Progress, not perfection.

Truth for sale

Ignorance is bliss, without content. Have empathy.