I was thinking abt this. If I shuld be straightforward with this.
Mayb i shuld. So that ppl wont misunderstand me.
First things first. Damien, this is for you.
U know, after seeing ur very own private journal, i was stunned for awhile.
Then I realised, if you tell the truth and basically cry your hearts out,
ppl can and will understand u. Just an advice here, you're 15, as u've
said sumtime ago, 15's one of the best moment of our lives. And don't let
something or someone just crush and crumble your world just like that. I,
myself, have experience this first hand, just like u. So nvr think that
you're an unfortunate boy.
And I'm glad you're matured enough to move on.
Life's a buffet, there are tons of other nice foods around.
If you feel full, just take a sip of water, be patient,
and continue when you're ready again.
Listen, we (me and other ppl) always agree
that u have the potential for excellence. Just input actions in it, and
u're ready to go.
________________________________________________________
Next, it's abt me. I don't know how to put this, but who cares.
I know how you guys feel abt me. I'm just an irritatingshortfuckingasshole
hu doesn't mind his own business. And if I'm ever lyk dat, I wana apologise.
Ystdy, quarreled with my parents. I don't know why they're like that.
I really don't know why. Mayb bcoz of stress? Both of them are not working.
They're a 'member' of SGH. And they're thinking abt me.
Education = future. That's what I can say right now.
And I prayed hard last night, more of morning, so that my family can
live happily again like when I was 1-7. And it's rare to get me cry.
And ystdy i did again, during my solat hajat. And directly after that,
something, this special thing, altho i don't know what isit, made me kneel
down and apologize to both of them.
If you wana know azmi, i rarely ask for an apology towards my parents. I admit
that I'm a sinful son. But now, after my 15th bday, I've promised not to do these
stupid things again. And I know someone, no, someppl out there, are disgusted by
my childish actions or behaviour, again and again, I'm sry. Altho u guys didn't tell
me anything abt this, I know that u're signaling to me. So, I'm sry. Sry.
________________________________________________________
Now, I wana talk abt something which scars me, a bit. Since what I've done for you,
the turning point, u slowly left me. Left me alone. Pondering, wondering what the
FUCK is going on. And now, after you had a good company, u totally forgot abt me.
And the worst part is, U still didn't tell me whats going on.
Earlier, i sensed that you are slowly cheating and lying to me in some way. I knew.
I know. As a close friend, I did what you wanted me to. And now, you just..
Just.. Harh.
Betrayal? Ask yrself that question. You didn't even open yr mouth to tell me.
Since you have your own company now, I guess the only way is for me to forget
the painful past. You cheated me. Yes. Cheated. And YOU guys, didn't even care
abt my own feelings. Selfishness. What have I done wrong to you guys?
_________________________________________________________
Pandanglah hamba si gagak hutan
Sebelah mata pun hamba tak terkilan
Adumu bercadarkan pintalan gemawan
Tidur hamba beralas reranting hutan
Tak hamba terkelindan sayap dipatahkan
Tak hamba terkilan telur hamba dipecahkan
Hamba akur dengan kehendak Tuhan
Hamba akur berketurunan bermandi hinaan
Pintamu keterlaluan
Kau inginkan hamba kalungkan bulan
Kau kepinginkan kerabu dari bintang berkerdipan
Kau dambakan rantai untaian buih lautan
Penat hamba menanam ubi
Ramai berladang nenas di seberang
Penat hamba menabur budi
Emas jua dipandang orang
________________________________________________________
I'm sorry.
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